omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
