he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you inspire me to be a worse person
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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