sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
