she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
