Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
