how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
