A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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