I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
