so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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