Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
