My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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