I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
