OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
