she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
