how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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