And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just high enough for therapy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
