Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
