mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
