don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
pop tarts are not kleenex
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
