Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
