Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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