I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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