I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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