I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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