it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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