I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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