A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
