Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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