that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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