so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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