i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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