I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I want her autograph on my taint
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
