What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
