Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
