I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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