i already hear my dad disowning me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
