i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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