I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
