# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
