Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
