# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
