this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
