Where did you get a picture of my penis
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
