Pappa wants mamma naked
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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