She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
