Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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