it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
is it fun? or sober?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
