The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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