so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
