Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
