You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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