Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
someone threw a dead crab at me
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
