I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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