I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
