I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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