Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
