Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
