the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
