Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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