Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
